In the last two days I've seen two asshats completely steal the design work of my friends and try to pass it off as their own. I don't know what's worse: the fact that they do this, or that they make their actions so transparent and public that it forces the original designers to take action. This is getting old—really old. I'm tired of writing about it, as I'm sure my friends are. So rather than spend another sentence on why this is bad, I've written a short set of instructions to help make sure that designers and design thieves never have to cross paths again.

How to properly steal the design of a website.

1. First things first, admit it: you suck. You're a moron and a cheat. It's likely that you'll never ever really achieve anything in life because you lack the talent to create or to do anything for yourself. In fact the act of dressing yourself in the morning is the closet you will ever come to doing something for yourself. Also, please stop bathing in Calvin Klein One, as it just further reduces your significance on this planet (not that you were off to a great start...think on that).

2. Learn. Yes, put some brain cells together, and learn how to properly edit HTML. Sure, you think you already know HTML because you've been able to cut-and-paste someone else's code—that's why you're a thief. Most people would use that code to learn how to craft their own work, but since you're a scumbag you only know how to get away with the least amount of work.

However, if you don't learn to edit things like comments, alt text, and style names then you're only leaving yourself open to getting caught red-handed. Think of it this way: if you take these extra steps and edit these things, you'd be a super moron. Then you can go back to your fellow morons, tell them that you are now their overlord, and they now have to do your bidding. Start by commanding them to help you get dressed in the morning.

3. Photoshop is a tool used by most designers to create those fancy graphics that you are, for some reason unknown to evolved man, unable to make yourself. Now, stealing code isn't enough to complete the process of design theft, you're going to need to copy every graphic file necessary to complete the work and most of you are able to pull this off without a hitch. The problem is that if you don't at least try to make an attempt to alter these graphics then "your" site is going to look exactly like the one you just stole from.

Nine-point-eight-hundred-and-ninety-six times out of ten, this is how design thieves not only get caught, but are dragged through the streets by those of us who spend weeks and weeks creating the original design. If you're going to use oxygen, then at least make an effort to alter the designed elements to help camouflage your inability to create.

4. When you send that email to the original designer asking if it's "okay" that you took the design in the first place, I just want to know one thing: are you doing this before or after you've tried to mate with oncoming traffic?

Please re-read step number one and then come back here.

The answer is always going to be "no." Even if you'd asked before you took anything, the answer would still be "no." No, we do not want you to copy our work. No, you may not copy our work. Yes, you can date your own sister (it's assumed that because you're so damn stupid that you're living in Upper Appalachia, so knock yourself out). No. Never. Go to hell. It's never going to be okay to take someone else's work and claim it as your own. Don't be any more of an idiot that you already are. If you're going to have the stones to steal design, keep it to yourself.

5. This is quite possibly the most important thing you need to know. There are no circumstances that will ever make it a good idea to link to the site you stole the design from. None. Zip. Never, ever. Zero circumstances. Maybe when Armageddon starts, but you should make it quick because...well, hey, it's Armageddon, and it's not going to wait for you to open Dreamweaver. Do not ever—never ever—do this. It's how you're going to be caught, it's how all of you asshats get caught. A link with some crappy text that says, "design inspiration by..." Gee, Rockefeller. If that's all you had to do to circumvent copyright laws then why stop at web design? There's a whole world of art, music, literature and so forth that's all readily available for you to copy because, hey! It "inspired" you to steal it. Theft is not inspiration. Don't be a bigger moron because you think that some little link is going to make your actions any better. Just take the design and go away.

There it is: your Idiots' Guide to Being an Even Bigger Idiot. If you follow these instructions then you'll be able to impress your D&D buddies with your awesome new website design, and the original designer will be none the wiser. Congratulations on a job well done, Captain Asshat! Perhaps you can reward yourself with a nice nap on the train tracks.

I always liked the Cover Flow feature in itunes, you can flip through your music and video collections as if you are flipping through your cds.

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Watching this interview on Newsnight this week, you couldn’t help but feel that there was a bet on at Conservative HQ as to how many times David Cameron could shoehorn the words ‘fixing a broken society‘ into one sentence. Aside from the political content of what is being said and whether it really means anything, I thought it worth mentioning as it smacks of the mannered word manipulation of Frank Luntz, the famous US pollster and focus group facilitator, (he of the Death tax / Inheritance tax mindshift), who conducts sample tests to find out which phrase or combinations of words get the most voters the most excited. He then trains the politicians to use and incorporate these brand slogans into everything they do and say, till we achieve the aural equivalent of “Fixing a Broken Society TM” and they are deemed to ‘own’ the idea, irrespective of content or discernable action. Just something to think about when listening to any of them saying anything.

In a series of three long articles (Part I - Traditional HTML Semantics, Part II - Standardizing Vocabularies, and Part III - Directions in HTML Semantics), John Allsopp expands his thoughts on how the HTML based Web can be improved to allow for better semantics.

After explaining what "semantics" actually means, John defines three different semantic classifications that an HTML element can belong to:

structural

Defines document structure. Examples: div, span, h1 - h6, ul, ol, dl, p.

content

Defines the type of content it marks up. Examples: abbr, address, code.

rhetorical

Defines rhetoric added by the author. Examples: em, strong.

The full list, which includes attributes, is available in Classifying the semantics of HTML. I haven't seen the elements and attributes of HTML classified like this before, but it all makes sense to me.

The conclusion John comes to is (unless I am misunderstanding something) that extending HTML by adding new elements is a bad idea. Adding a new semantic element only works until there is a need for something else, at which point the loop starts again. And so on. Instead, John calls for a way of infinitely extending HTML, much like microformats.

He does have a point, though I'm not sure I agree with it. I'm not saying I disagree either, just that I don't know. What do you think? Should new elements and attributes be added to the HTML specification when there is a need for them? Should there be another way of extending and improving the semantics of HTML without requiring the specification to be updated? Perhaps combining the two approaches would be better?

That's a lot of questions. Anyone have answers?

Add 456 Berea Street to your Technorati favorites.

Posted in (X)HTML.

• Come On Us
  Not what you’d expect (not sure what it is exactly, but not what you’d expect). SFW.
• Brasco(tm) The Liberty Bear Coloring/Story Book (PDF link)
  Great for introducing children to guns, freedom, and responsibility. Now you can print out your own copies. From Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership, America’s Most Aggressive Defender of Firearms Ownership.
• Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership - Boing Boing
  Looks like I’m late to the party on the bear. 2004! Ah well, it’s new to us.

So your CSS layout breaks in a certain browser (cough IE cough).

Before applying any nasty hack to fix the issue, try to use another CSS technique to achieve your desired look.

For instance, if paddings make the layout break, try margins. If floats makes you pull your hair out, see if you can’t create the same result using absolute positioning. Or just change the way the divs float.

The point is that CSS gives you a lot of options on how to achieve your desired layout. And way too often, people spend a lot of time creating an ugly work-around before trying out every option.

There’s always another way, find it before resorting to hacks.

Congratulations to Sam Brown! He was one of the first 599 buyers randomly selected to win an iPhone 8GB.

Given the success of the book so far, I've elected to hold a second contest. Whether you were the first buyer or have yet to buy the book, all will be entered to win a second iPhone if you've purchased the book prior to September 14 at midnight (Pacific Time).

And in the spirit of garish infomercials... But wait, there's more!

All buyers prior to Sept. 14 @ midnight will also be entered to win one free conference pass to Future of Mobile (London) and Future of Web Design (New York), both of which the book is sponsoring.

Go forth and buy.

• Thailand Ministry of Culture issues booklet to promote traditional nicknames
  Moving to Yaay (big), Ouan (fat) and Dam (black) and away from Bank, Bonus, Oil, Ball, Tomcruise, Elizabeth, Army, Kiwi, Charlie, God, Gateaux, Shrimp, Chubby or Crab. 2007 is the Year of Promoting Correct Thai Usage.